One Night

In a post a couple days ago I mentioned a post I wanted to write about but didn't have the time to do it justice. I wanted to write about my night Thursday night and how one night can make such a difference. Last Thursday I was having a bad day, some things happened that put me in a mood that was having myself question who I was as a person. I would like to mention you should never give someone the power to make you question yourself, but at times it happens. Thursday was one of those days where I was questioning so much about myself; I shouldn't of, but I was. My best friend who knew what was going on decided to invite me out for the night. I initially said yes but as the time of going out approached I started debating back and forth in my head whether I should go. I drove in the direction of where we were going without having decided whether I was actually going or not. I'm very good at psyching myself out and convincing myself  I shouldn't go somewhere. In the end, I told myself to go have one drink and then I could go home. That night going was the best thing I could have done because it put a lot of things in perspective for.

Thursday night, I made a new friend and realized how far me and my best friend have come. It truly is funny how things happen in life and what can bring people closer. At the bar I had a long heart to heart with my best friend's friend. Her and I had talked a couple times before but have never had the talk which sparks a friendship. You know the talk I'm referring to, where you talk about something close to both of you and you learn things about the other that moves you from acquaintances to friends. I shared my story with her and in turn she shared her story with me that made me realize how many people are battling the same issues as I am. It was a relief to share and not feel ashamed or like the other person would think I was crazy. Every emotion or thought I mentioned I knew she understood without any explanation because she has had the same thoughts. In turn, everything she told me I completely understood because I have felt similar. Our talk took us from having a mutual friend to starting a friendship of our own, which was something I very much needed on that particular day. My hope is that it blossoms into a friendship, with the hope that she knows that she has someone that understands and she can always talk too.

Later that night I sat down with my best friend and talked with her about life in general. She took some time to knock some sense into me about not being upset about a certain situation. Our conversation made me realize how far her and I have come as friends. We used to joke that we were each other's number 2 best friend, but as life changes so do friendships. Moments and conversations have happened that have made our friendship evolve to a different level. To me, she is family. Her daughter and her are my family and I would do anything for them. I know she would do the same in return because that's what family does. we both realized that sometimes it takes life changing moments to make you stop and appreciate what you have. That night, she helped me realize just home much I mean to her, which I had always felt insecure about. I have this irrational insecurity, that I am an annoying person and annoying friend. I tend feel like I never do enough for my friends or I am somehow a bad friend or simply just an annoying person that people put up with. Our conversation that night put some of those fears at ease and helped me gain a little bit more confidence in myself. My life changed for the better when her and her daughter moved back home and I am thankful everyday for that. These past  couple of rough months we were there for each others every up and every down, which there were plenty of downs, and we became better friends because of everything.

It's funny how one night, a couple of hours, can change your perspective on life and make you feel like a different person. I started the day out hating myself and doubting everything about myself, but by the end of the night I felt lucky, blessed, and confident in myself. I realized I have something special to offer people. I many not know what I am doing with my life but I do know I am a good person. I am loyal, I am dependable, I am caring, I have a huge heart, and I am a good friend. As I continue this journey to find my path I can walk with the confidence of what I have to offer and with a few good friends by my side to remind me when I forget.